Are you afraid of the dark?

Have you ever watched that show? On Nickelodeon? It was summer fun, watching it with my sister and her friend during sleepovers. And then I would always try to scare them afterwards. That show was so cheesy! But for some, the dark is a horrifying place. Not me. I’ve never been afraid of the dark.

A few weeks ago, I was very busy with work. That day I also had to take my daughters to practice at the church for a play they were in. Tribiani was headed back from camp. And of course they needed to be picked up at 12. The camp kids didn’t arrive back until 1:30. Doesn’t it always go that way? They can’t all just have things going on at the same time can they? Thank God for my mom when she can run them around for me because I am up to my elbows in spaghetti sauce and Jasmine rice and french onion soup. It was one of those days where I had a million meal prep orders and I had recently been cleaned out so I had to make huge batches of everything.

The girls went off with their dad. And Tribiani, who had just been gone for four days at camp, just had to go hang out with more friends. I figured I would take him and drop him and his friends off since I had to make a delivery anyway and then run an errand for a friend. Plus, as it always happens, I was one ingredient off for meal prep, so I needed to hit the store. I was actually three ingredients off, but of course I wouldn’t figure that out until long after I had gotten home.

I dropped off three stinky teens at Westgate and then ran my friend’s errand. I arrived at the church just as he did and we walked into a very desolate sanctuary. It sure did look different than it did earlier that morning when I dropped the girls off for practice. At that time there was a men’s breakfast and bible study going on in one building and the kiddos were meeting in another. And you could just feel the energy radiating out of that place and the joy in people’s lives. You could feel life!

Now, only hours later it was quiet and very dark. Derrick’s office is adjacent to the sanctuary so he fumbled around in the dark to find his office and then he found the light switch. Now there was a soft glow. And from that glow I could really see… nothing. That small light made the sanctuary look even darker. But now, I was looking head on into the darkness. I was no longer surrounded by it, but it was before me. Like an abyss. A black hole that could swallow me whole.

Some people might find a dark sanctuary very creepy. Afterall, without the praises of the people filling the atmosphere, it's almost as if the holy spirit left when they did. Now, it’s just a dark building.

Derrick had to run to the other building and left me standing there in the dark. I could have easily walked into his office and ignored the darkness. But I felt a need to go confront it. We do that sometimes in our lives, don’t we? Ignore the darkness. Pretend that it’s not right outside of our lit room, lurking. Waiting to consume us. Some people are really afraid of the dark. The thought of not being able to see anything around us. Not knowing what might pop out at us.

A few weeks ago, we were hiking up a long, dark and narrow staircase to the prayer pavilion at the Dream City Church. It was around midnight and pretty dark up there. When out of the darkness something caught my eye. I was a little black and orange snake. It definitely did not scare me like it did my friend. I love snakes so naturally I became giddy as I began a conversation with the little guy and started filming him. My friend on the other hand was grossed out and wanted to get away as quickly as possible.

My Ex husband used to get so annoyed because I love to pop out and scare people. I have been known to crouch behind a car in a parking lot or in the bushes at our own house. Like a ninja. Stealthy. I have been known to stay locked in position for a long time, just to make it all the more scary to my victims. That poor man’s feet almost always left the ground. I scared him so badly once that he uppercut me right in the jaw in the early morning. But it was so worth it! To see his butt leave the couch.

And my children are not immune. They get it all the time. Poor kids.

But what makes them all so mad, is that it is near impossible to catch me off guard. I can only recall a few times in my life when I have been truly startled. My husband would try. The kids would try. Boy, would they try.

Sshhh, I’m going to let you in on a secret. I do get scared. My insides tighten up and I’m ready to fight if I have to. My adrenaline goes berserk. But I don’t jump. I just prepare. Prepare to fight. Prepare to kill. Must be the trauma response in me. But I don’t let it trigger me. I can’t.

*

While Derrick was gone, out of the sanctuary, I walked into the dark void. I laid my hands on the back of a chair and started praying. Praying for all the people that would sit in these chairs. I prayed for my kids. I prayed for my ex husband. I prayed for those who are afraid of the dark. Not just the physical dark. But the darkness in their lives.

As I was praying, I focused on anything I could focus on. The exit sign that seemed a hundred miles away. I could never get to it in this moment. It’s way too dark. I would stub all of my toes for sure. I knew at this moment that nothing was going to pop out at me. This isn’t a horror movie. Rarely in life is there ever truly anything waiting to get you. Besides a little snake in the desert of course.

I focused on a tiny light on the back of one of the chairs. A reflection maybe. I closed my eyes and opened them again. What’s that? I could make out another reflection. Up on the stage. Must be the drumset? I kept looking around. After a few moments I realized that I could see more than what was there before. Oh yes. I could definitely make out the drumset now. And that tiny reflection in the middle of the room. Yes, that’s the camera stand. I could see now.

It made me think. How many times in our lives do we find ourselves in a dark place, and the first thing we start to do is move around with our hands out. Trying to find our way in the dark. We all do it slightly differently.

Some feel around like a blind person. With carefully calculated movements. Some move around rapidly with no aim. Just stubbing their toes and then getting mad at the darkness. Like it’s the darkness that caused them to flail about frantically.

Some close their eyes and become absorbed by the darkness. Cowering in fear. Not focusing on any of the small lights in the distance.

But, If we just stand still. Focus on the light we can see, no matter how far away. Just pray and stay still. Eventually the light will reveal itself. Like the stars in the evening sky, those little lights will show up one by one and light our path. When you stop, and focus, your eyes eventually adjust to the darkness. And you’ll be able to find your way.

By the time that Derrick returned, maybe 8 minutes or so, I was able to see a clear path all the way to the front of the sanctuary. It was still very dark. But I had waited long enough to allow my vision to get accustomed to the dark.

Just like in our lives. Sometimes the best thing that we can do is just stop, pray, and focus on any little light. And in time it will all make sense and we’ll find our way out of the darkness. I do. Night after night. Season after season. I face the dark and I find my way back out to the light.

So, Are you afraid of the dark?