Everything is going to be okay

It’s 10pm on Sunday. I am sitting in a deserted parking lot, waiting for Anthony to get out of work. I’m so exhausted. These last few days, weeks even, have spent all I had left in me. And I can not recharge fast enough. It’s like I know that my batteries needed to be changed but all I could find are quarter charged ones that have been thrown into a junk drawer only to be used in true battery emergencies.

Thursday started off with a bang! I snuck off to the grocery store before the kids woke up in the morning. And my shopping trip was interrupted when the police department called me about my son.

“He’s not in any trouble or anything.” the officer reassured me. Oh sure, I thought. He may not be in trouble but he made a dumb decision that led him to feel the need to call the police. He isn’t in any legal trouble or anything. But the fact that he did not use good judgment, to me, is quite troublesome.

I wasn’t mad, just disappointed. I made sure that he knows this. I have his back. I’ll always have my kids’ backs. But I will not coddle them and make them believe that they are victims. I make sure to instill in them that they need to use discernment to make wise decisions. But we talked and hugged it out and moved on. What can you do except to just keep going forward? Screaming and yelling will not get you anywhere. We laugh about it now, two weeks later. He’s ok and so am I. But this was only the beginning of that weekend.

My mom got a flat tire and she needed to be chauffeured around because for some reason, the free tire replacement insurance that she has would take five days to fix. I don’t mind helping out where I can. But sometimes I feel like I have no time to myself.

Honestly, the rest of the weekend was a blur. Tribiani had three days of training at the waterpark to get a job which I had to drive him to Saturday and Sunday morning. That cut into my bible time and gym time. I had to pick my mom up at 8am on Sunday so that I could have time to get ready for church and then I spent the rest of Sunday driving from one end of the city to another and a hundred places in between.

Somewhere in the weekend, Tribiani showed up at home after 10pm with some girl he had just met. Which I ended up having a long conversation with about all of her trauma and mine. It’s nice when I get to counsel people. I thoroughly enjoy listening to people and helping them if I can. You just don’t usually expect to have a counseling session at 10pm sitting on the staircase.

Now, it’s Sunday night. I just dropped mom off at home at 9pm and I have about an hour before I need to pick up Anthony from work. I don’t want to go home. Because I am exhausted. And I know that I will get comfortable and not want to leave again to go get him.

So I decided to drive slowly through my parents' neighborhood. It's the same neighborhood I grew up in. As I cruised along slowly around the park, I said to myself how different it all is. And I don't just mean the neighborhood. There’s that one house. I remember that girl. I’m pretty sure she had a very abusive father. The house always looked run down and sad when I would ride past it. Now it’s nice. Brightly lit and it obviously has had a face lift. I’ll bet the inside is nicer now too. That scary old barn in the back looks to be gone. That was a place of nightmarish occurrences.

I grew up here. But my boys were little here also. It's not just a place of memories of my childhood. It's splattered with early memories of my marriage. Good times with the man of my dreams and my little boys. Which are actually very sad memories to me now.

And as I drove slowly, windows down, only the sounds of approaching summer, something caught my eye. A beautiful hue just below the horizon. I was captivated by this glow. I had time so I pulled over down a dark road and turned off all of my lights and just watched the moon rise. It was a strawberry moon apparently. It really did look a little Strawberry-like. Although it looked to me more like this picture of a chardonnay at sunset.

I don't know if you've ever actually watched a moon rise. It's actually more brilliant than a sunrise because you can stare at it without burning your retinas.

As I watched it crown, like a new birth, like a newborn baby with a world of possibilities ahead, I started to wonder, What exactly is a Strawberry Moon? So google to the rescue! It’s probably not that wise to sit on a dark road, windows down. Being distracted by my phone. But I’ve always been one to do dumb things in the dark.

Back to the moon though. It can either be the last full moon of spring or the first full moon of summer. It's a time in June that many natives used to mark the ripening of the strawberries that are ready for harvest. So, it is essentially a harvest moon.

But many peoples have used this particular June moon to mark a time of great abundance as well. And it is sometimes called a honey moon, marking new beginnings.

It's funny, that this is the particular moon tonight. As I was reflecting on such great loss in my life. But that great loss has actually been such great gain. I have an abundance of joy from being able to invest in my kids wholeheartedly in a way I never have been able to before. Even though they sometimes disappoint me and make me question the future of our world.

I have an abundance of people who love and support me in so many ways I can't even describe. I have an abundance of peace and joy and love for others. This is not something that had ever come naturally to me. But now, I feel like I am in a time of such great blessing and abundance. It's been a season of change. A season of newness for me.

Life is not perfect. It certainly looks a lot different than I ever thought it would. It's all so new. But I am so very grateful that in this season I get to take the time to gaze upon something so majestically stunning. And I sense that things are changing. There is something new happening all around me. In my personal life for sure, but also in the heavenlies.

I’ll bet that if you take the time to go outside, look up and gaze upon the majestic beauty that is all around you, you’ll discover that newness too. Breathe in deep, peace. And exhale, joy. Everything is going to be okay.